An amusing collection of descriptions and names for what we all
do naturally.
GHOST POOP : You know you've poop. There's poop on the
toilet paper, but there's no poop in the toilet.
TEFLON COATED POOP : Comes out so slick, clean and easy
that you don't even feel it. No traces on the toilet paper. You
have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it.
GOOEY POOP : This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe
your arse 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up
putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it.
This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
SECOND THOUGHT POOP : You're all done wiping your arse and
you're about to stand up when you realise it.....you've got some
more.
POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POOP : This is the kind of
poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're
all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
RICHARD SIMMONS POOP : You poop so much you lose 5 kilos.
RIGHT NOW POOP : You better be within 30 seconds of a
toilet. Usually it has it's head out before you get your pants
down.
GREEN POOP : Comes the day after eating a big spinach
salad.
KING KONG OR COMMODE CHOKER POOP : This poop is so big
that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it
into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop
usually happens at someone else's house.
CORK POOP ( ALSO KNOWN AS FLOATERS ) : Even after the
third flush, it's still floating in there. My God ! How do I get
rid of it ? This poop also usually happens at someone else's
house.
WET CHEEKS POOP : This poop hits the water sideways and
makes a BIG splash that gets your arse all wet.
WISH POOP : You sit there all cramped up, fart a few
times, but no poop.
CEMENT BLOCK POOP : You wish you'd gotten a spinal block
before having this poop.
SNAKE POOP : This poop is fairly soft and about as round
as your thumb, but at least a meter long.
MEXICAN FOOD POOP ( ALSO CALLED SCREAMING POOP ) : You
know it's alright to eat again when you're arse stops burning.
BEER DRUNK POOP ( ALSO CALLED GROG BOG ) : This happens
the day after the night before. Normally, your poop doesn't smell
to bad, but this poop is BAD. Usually, there is someone standing
outside waiting to use the toilet, that doesn't know their nose
hairs are about to go curly and die. This kind of poop also
prefers other people's houses.
RABBIT POOP : You settle down for a normal bog and are
surprised when your arse releases dozens of little marbles.
CONFIDENCE POOP : This poop is disguised as a fart, Its
true identity is only revealed after you have tried to let a
sneaky one go. This poop prefers public places.
LET ME OUT POOP : This poop kicks and fights for hours to
get out. It is always associated with abdominal cramps, pains and
farting.
SHUTTLE POOP : This poop defies gravity and won't fall
away without swinging and bouncing.
DAM BURST POOP : Feels like a normal poop to start with,
but the one hard plug is followed by gallons of floodwaters,
trees, cars, houses, etc.
PEEK-A-BOO POOP : This poop changes its mind at the last
moment after sticking its head out for a look and goes back in
and won't come out.
HOWITZER POOP : This poop has a huge fart charge behind it
and comes out with such force and velocity that the bowl will be
emptied of water after impact and may break. Check the back of
your shirt after this one.
SCIENTISTS POOP : Never left alone to rot in peace. Always
broken open and examined for completion of digestion process and
inspected for parasites. Aroma checked for vanity.
RAP DANCERS POOP : This poop causes much amusement to
those who might chance across it in a public toilet. It has a
good beat to it like, Fart, - Poop, Poop, Fart, - Poop, Poop,
Fart, - Poop, Poop, Fart, Fart, Poop, Poop, Fart.