The Poop List

An amusing collection of descriptions and names for what we all do naturally.

GHOST POOP : You know you've poop. There's poop on the toilet paper, but there's no poop in the toilet.
TEFLON COATED POOP : Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't even feel it. No traces on the toilet paper. You have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it.
GOOEY POOP : This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your arse 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
SECOND THOUGHT POOP : You're all done wiping your arse and you're about to stand up when you realise've got some more.
POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POOP : This is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
RICHARD SIMMONS POOP : You poop so much you lose 5 kilos.
RIGHT NOW POOP : You better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has it's head out before you get your pants down.
GREEN POOP : Comes the day after eating a big spinach salad.
KING KONG OR COMMODE CHOKER POOP : This poop is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else's house.
CORK POOP ( ALSO KNOWN AS FLOATERS ) : Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My God ! How do I get rid of it ? This poop also usually happens at someone else's house.
WET CHEEKS POOP : This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your arse all wet.
WISH POOP : You sit there all cramped up, fart a few times, but no poop.
CEMENT BLOCK POOP : You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before having this poop.
SNAKE POOP : This poop is fairly soft and about as round as your thumb, but at least a meter long.
MEXICAN FOOD POOP ( ALSO CALLED SCREAMING POOP ) : You know it's alright to eat again when you're arse stops burning.
BEER DRUNK POOP ( ALSO CALLED GROG BOG ) : This happens the day after the night before. Normally, your poop doesn't smell to bad, but this poop is BAD. Usually, there is someone standing outside waiting to use the toilet, that doesn't know their nose hairs are about to go curly and die. This kind of poop also prefers other people's houses.
RABBIT POOP : You settle down for a normal bog and are surprised when your arse releases dozens of little marbles.
CONFIDENCE POOP : This poop is disguised as a fart, Its true identity is only revealed after you have tried to let a sneaky one go. This poop prefers public places.
LET ME OUT POOP : This poop kicks and fights for hours to get out. It is always associated with abdominal cramps, pains and farting.
SHUTTLE POOP : This poop defies gravity and won't fall away without swinging and bouncing.
DAM BURST POOP : Feels like a normal poop to start with, but the one hard plug is followed by gallons of floodwaters, trees, cars, houses, etc.
PEEK-A-BOO POOP : This poop changes its mind at the last moment after sticking its head out for a look and goes back in and won't come out.
HOWITZER POOP : This poop has a huge fart charge behind it and comes out with such force and velocity that the bowl will be emptied of water after impact and may break. Check the back of your shirt after this one.
SCIENTISTS POOP : Never left alone to rot in peace. Always broken open and examined for completion of digestion process and inspected for parasites. Aroma checked for vanity.
RAP DANCERS POOP : This poop causes much amusement to those who might chance across it in a public toilet. It has a good beat to it like, Fart, - Poop, Poop, Fart, - Poop, Poop, Fart, - Poop, Poop, Fart, Fart, Poop, Poop, Fart.