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Professor Quotes: Fall 2002

R. Johnson
A. Bandyopadhyay
Professor Johnson - CS 497 Object Oriented Programming and Design
"My Porsche cannot hold groceries very well and cannot pull my boat!" (Johnson, 9-5-02).
"Squeak only cares about cool" (Johnson, 9-3-02).
Akash Bandyopadhyay - FIN 362 Options and Futures Markets
"If you drop out then you are a loser" (Bandyopadhyay, 8-28-02).
"If you have desire for money and power then known this stuff" (Bandyopadhyay, 8-28-02).
"Traders can lose money, but he will not tell you that because he will hide his losses" (Bandyopadhyay, 8-28-02).
"Don't think this class is very easy.  One day you will cry.  No I shouldn't say that.  This class is very easy" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-4-02).
"Traders are garbage" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-4-02).
"Teaching counts zero in academia" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-9-02).
"With an arbitrage portfolio you can drink as many bottles of beers as you want!" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-9-02).
"Traders are the stupidest people in the world.  They make mistakes all the time.  They do not think things through scientifically" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-9-02).
"Being a professor is a good life!  It's like making money by doing nothing!" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-11-02)
"If you go work for Goldman Sachs, you can work very hard, like 9 hours a day, get shit on by your seniors and after 9 months, let you go" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-11-02).
"The market looks for finance professors, and they make very high salaries.  Even in state schools, like U of I, where salaries are 3,400 grand.  If you go to a school like MIT, starting salaries are like half a million dollars" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-11-02).
"If you go work for industry, graduate schools do not want to accept you because your brains has already been washed" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-11-02).
"Nowadays all the smart guys go to Wall Street" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-16-02).
"When I was working at Goldman Sachs, I told my boss he was stupid on the second day of the job" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-16-02).
"With a Ph.D. you start at a senior level as a vice president and you don't have to do anything.  If the analysts and associates can't do your work, you fire them!  Salaries are very high, about $500,000...if you find a job" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-25-02).
"The definitions of Wall Street is asshole.  They don't care for other people, but only themselves.  They care only for money and power" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-25-02).
"You will see what they teach at the elite schools, not here.  If you go to electrical engineering or physics then we are elite.  You go take ECE 111 and you will cry" (Bandyopadhyay, 9-30-02).
"All these girls in the Finance Club, to tell you the truth, are not very smart.  They tried to negotiate with me, telling me why they should get a better grade because they hold high positions in that crap.  Of course they were not successful in negotiating anything, so they are angry with me" (Bandyopadhyay, 10-2-02).
"You cannot survive in Wall Street if you are not 100% asshole.  It's a necessary and sufficient condition" (Bandyopadhyay, 10-2-02).
"I know all of you smoke pot, but that's okay" (Bandyopadhyay, 10-7-02).
"You won't believe the kind of stories I have heard, especially the guys from frat houses" (Bandyopadhyay, 10-14-02).
"You can bring anything you like.  You could bring the entire commerce library, I won't care" (Bandyopadhyay regarding midterm, 10-14-02).
"If you want, I would fire him, but I probably won't get a better grader" (Bandyopadhyayabout TA, 10-14-02).
"If you got a 9, but the grader gave you 90, then you don't have to e-mail me.  It is an arbitrage opportunity" (Bandyopadhyay, 10-16-02).
"Solan MIT is awesome.  Solan Stanford isn't as good.  Stanford is a party college" (Bandyopadhyay, 10-16-02).
"You guys probably all want to be a trader.  And that probably suits you well because you are here at U of I and you do not like to do homework" (Bandyopadhyay, 10-30-02).
"Behind every evil thing is a girl" (Bandyopadhyay, 10-30-02).
"If I do indeed become sick, then I will not grade last week's homework, so you will all get 99.  So y ou should pray to God that I become sick" (Bandyopadhyay, 11-7-02).
"The night went painfully slowly he had a paper and a project due the following day, and then he had an entire day of classes to sit through." (Grace's Mark, 10-12-05)
"Do you guys know how Warren Buffet makes money?  He buys under-valued and over-valued stock.  Then he waits until equilibrium and sells it.  This is witchcraft and he is a good witch.  You have to read Harry Potter's book to find out.  I cannot teach you these things" (Bandyopadhyay, 11-7-02).
"Yes, drugs is a big return market.  All of you know that right?  You guys all smoke weed, right?" (Bandyopadhyay, 12-4-02).
"That professor was fired.  I was very happy about that.  I like firing people!  I was an investment banker, they are very happy to fire people.  That is investment banking.  I should say, that is the capitalist world" (Bandyopadhyay, 12-11-02).
"Don't go to a doctoral program like here.  If you go to someplace like here, you will end up cutting grass" (Bandyopadhyay, 12-11-02).

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