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Professor Quotes: Spring 2003

R. Johnson
A. Bandyopadhyay
B. Hajek
Professor Chang - CS 411 Advanced Databases
"Yes, this is Codd.  Why?  Because he is a theoretician, so he wears a suit" (Chang, 1-21-03)
"Gary, why?  BEcause he looks like a worker.  He is an engineer.  He is still an engineer" (Chang, 1-21-03).
Akash Bandyopadhyay - FIN 362 Options and Futures Markets
"I'm usually more organized than this.  But my expectation was that this class is just chairs" (Bandyopadhyay, 1-22-03).
"You don't know how hard it is to teach undergraduate American teenagers" (Bandyopadhyay, 1-22-03).
"Before this class, I have to take some capital punishment [FIN362] (Bandyopadhyay, 1-22-03).
"The fact is, I speak wrong English fluently" (Bandyopadhyay, 1-22-03.
"I call inks on the spider's web" (Bandyopadhyay, 1-22-03).
"For those of you going to Wall Street, expect to die by 45 years" (Bandyopadhyay, 1-22-03).
"Arrogance is the key to success in Wall Street" (Bandyopadhyay, 1-22-03).
"Finance books are really bad.  Smart people in finance go to Wall Street to make multi-million dollars.  The other people write the garbages like John Hull's book" (Bandyopadhyay, 1-27-03).
"If at the end of the semester you get a job at Goldman Sachs, I invite you to come up to the front of class and laugh all you want!" (Bandyopadhyay, 1-27-03)
"It doesn't matter that they [the homework problems] are applicable.  It matters that they are interesting" (Bandyopadhyay, 1-29-03).
"No morality, no ethics, no charity.  We are Wall Street" (Bandyopadhyay, 1-29-03).
"All you foreigners: Chinese, Taiwanese, Korean, need to learn these things that Americans do not know to get a passport.  Since Americans are minorities in this class, we could say whatever we want" (Bandyopadhyay, 1-30-03).
"The only good guys in this department are Neil Pearson, Penecke; everyone else <shakes head>.  I wash my hands after seeing them" (Bandyopadhyay, 2-3-03).
"If this kind of arbitrage exists in the economy, my 362 students would be very happy, because they don't have to work anymore.  They can spend the rest of their lives in Joe's or KAMS" (Bandyopadhyay, 2-3-03).
"I hate administrators because you know, their job is to make trouble" (Bandyopadhyay, 2-5-03).
"I used to be very poor, because I used to be a graduate student and ate out everyday because I had an American girlfriend" (Bandyopadhyay, 2-12-03).
"If someone can work out all the problems in Duffe's book, then he is not a financial economist" (Bandyopadhyay, 2-19-03).
"If an investor knows you can solve all the problems in Duffe's book, he will keep his money in his pocket and say, 'fuck you!'" (Bandyopadhyay, 2-19-03).
"There are no open-book exams where I came from.  Things are easy here.  That's why you get the American undergraduates.  You do not know because you do not see them.  Well you don't want to see them" (Bandyopadhyay, 2-19-03).
"II try not to look at my undergraduate students.  If I do, their faces look like I am trying to kill them" (Bandyopadhyay, 2-24-03).
"If the multi-billion dollar investment banks find out you have a thought process, they will treat you like a black-box.  They will plug you in, crank you, and money will be printed on the other side" (Bandyopadhyay, 3-12-03).
"The department says our Masters students are bad.  But I disagree with that.  Professors are bad, not students" (Bandyopadhyay 3-19-03).
"If you want, I would fire him, but I probably won't get a better grader" (Bandyopadhyayabout TA, 10-14-02).
"Fisher Black's wife really liked a lot of money.  That's a common thing among American girls, well, maybe all girls" (Bandyopadhyay, 4-2-03).
"Goldman Sachs is responsible about Fisher Black's death.  They drove him too hard, so he died.  They're responsible, because he died" (Bandyopadhyay, 4-2-03).
"The fact is, this managing director highly respects me; for whatever reason I do not know" (Bandyopadhyay, 4-9-03).
"Color transparencies were $1 each, so when I went to the Finance department for a reimbursement, their answer was 'Fuck off!'" (Bandyopadhyay, 4-16-03).
"This is a confidential document.  You do not show your credit cards around.  Well if you do, show it to me first!" (Bandyopadhyay, 4-28-03).
Professor Hajek - ECE 434 Random Processes
"...So the best estimator for Y...and the error are orthogonal and uncorrelated.  Let's have a moment of silence in honor of that result <we all stare at the board for 1 minute>" (Hajek, 2-28-03)).
"It's better to learn how to derive the formula.  If I had to memorize this huge formula, there wouldn't be much left for my phone number" (Hajek, 4-14-03).
Yurcik - CS 397KER Information Assurance
"Easiest penetration.  Hmm...I don't hear any snickers, so no one's head is in the gutter" (Yurcik, 1-29-03).
"You guys know this stuff.  You guys are all hackers, I know that" (Yurcik, 1-29-03)

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